The latest release available from the legendary David Roter features an all-star cast of Blue Oyster Cult's Albert Bouchard, Joe Bouchard and Buck Dharma, the Dictators' Andy Schernoff. Tommy Mandel (Bryan Adams), Soozie Tyrell (Bruce Springsteen, Buster Poindexter) Crispin Cioe (Uptown Horns), Jack Rigg, Richard Julian. The lyrics are available below: Legends of New York Robert Chambers was born to win An imitation preppy with a Kennedy grin His mama hung with the rich And hoped and prayed Her boy could be like them some day But Bobby was strange He wasn't wrapped too tight He was good in the day But very bad at night He took Jenny Levin To Central Park He choked the life out'a her in the dark New York, New York New York, New York Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Bernard Getz was a nervous guy He chewed on his shoes while the world walked by Big chested women he could not get enough He bought a leather jacket just to look tough Well he went on the subway Went on the "A" With four young homeboys wanted to get paid He pulled a gun Out of the blue He said, "I got a little something for each of you" Blood and bodies all over the car That's how Bernard Getz became a superstar New York, New York New York, New York Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I was born in the darkness I love the night I sleep on subways Under fluorescent light I'm nobody's son I don't belong to anyone There's not a heartbeat inside me that cares Now you might turn around Cause you hear a sound Nobody's there My name is Dartman That's what the people say A little bit of pain And then I run away Whores in the city Treat me like dirt I put my lips together Someone gets hurt New York, New York................... Jack Rigg: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums Andy Shernoff: bass Joe Bouchard: keys Crispin Cioe: sax Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals Ice Ice Maybe All right Big Dave, that's a keeper. Albert, do you think that was, that was like uh - that sounded authentic- right like authentic rap? Yeah, uh a yeah. So um, you think Puff Daddy would like it? You got his address? I think Puff Daddy's got too much on his plate right now. He's with Jennifer Lopez and the revenge killings. How about Tupac? I used to run with him years ago, you know in Comden.. Uh Dave, Tupac is dead.. How come nobody tells me this shit? So Tupac is dead, Biggie Smalls is dead. Well, like who could I sent my stuff to? How about Vanilla Ice? Bu-But isn't Vanilla Ice like played? Oh no he's very big in Japan and Utah. David & Al Shenequa's Having A Baby First thing you smell, is the smell of piss And it's cold as hell, on a night like this In the kitchen is a picture of Jesus holding hands with Biggie Smalls One naked light bulb throws shadows on the wall In the back room is a broken window, letting in the rain And a young girl on a mattress, dreaming of the rain Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Even the angels Are somewhere else tonight There's nothing in this world like a pretty girl All the boys fall at their feet Giving diamond rings and precious things Honeymoons so sweet Well ya know she charges twenty dollars On a slow night maybe ten Prince Charming zips his fly And then she's back on the street again Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Waiting for a miracle To drop from the empty sky Does anyone out there have a heart? She bites down hard on her lip, just to make it bleed She screams out, "Oh my God- get this fuckin' thing outside of me!" But the hours fall away and so does the night And you can hear a baby cry, as the room fills up with light An old man shuffles into the room His eyes bug out his body shakes She says, "My man, here's a twenty, can you go out and get me some Pampers, and some Sugar Frosted Flakes. Some Ring Dings?" Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Sheniqua's havin' a baby Tiny fingers reach out, and touch her face Tiny hands reach out Albert Bouchard: drums, bass, guitar Tommy Mandel: keys Crispin Cioe: sax Zeitlin Perez: background vocals David Roter vocals Joan Crawford Revisited Junkies down in Brooklyn are going crazy They laughin' just like hungry dogs in the street Policeman are hiding behind the skirts of little girls The sky has turned the color of frozen meat No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no, Joan Crawford has risen from the grave Joan Crawford has risen from the grave Catholic schoolgirls have thrown away their mascara To chain themselves to the axels of Big Mack trucks And the sky is filled with herds of shivering angels The fat lady laughs? Gentlemen start your trucks No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Joan Crawford has risen from the grave Joan Crawford has risen from the grave Christina- Christeeeenaaaa Mother is home Come to mother! But mother, you're dead mother Ha ha ha I was only sleeping Christina, not dead Wh-What do you want mother? I want you to put on that powder blue suit and come with me to the Oprah Winfrey show. And I want you to deny all those bad things you've been saying about me. But mother, I'm a grown woman - I don't have to do what you tell me Ha ha ha ha - yes you do! But but mother, I have two children of my own Ha ha ha ha Do you think that means anything? Now take off those Birkenstocks and put on those Gucci red pumps and come with me. But mother I've had 140,000 dollars worth of therapy mother No Christina Therapy mother Christina please, please, please Therapy mother No, no, no, nooooooooo DIE She's gone, she's gone, I'm free, I'm free to live my life Mother, come back mother, please come back. I won't go to the psychotherapist anymore Only, please come back Jack Rigg: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums, keys Joe Bouchard: bass Soozie Tyrell: violin Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals For Men Only This is the part of the CD that's devoted to the men. OK boys. Put your hands on the stereo. I'm going to ask you a few questions designed to open you up a little. So, how many men out there love football? How many of you felt a little tense when that whole Monica Lewinsky- President Clinton thing blew up? And when you saw Titanic, and you finally realized that Leonardo de Caprio was going to die, how many of you cried a little bit into your popcorn? Hey, ever been impotent? David & Al My Man Won't Stand You can take all the tea in China You can take the rice in Carolina All the morphine they pass out on the street The taste of a cherry, a cherry so sweet You say you want to be my girl We can be together in this lonely world My man, my man won't stand, my man My man, my man won't stand, my man My man won't stand tonight All the crazy laughter The twisted lies Those funny looks that cut me down to size I don't wanna go anywhere I'm gonna stay so small I'm so tired and sick of it all You know my man, my man won't stand, my man My man, won't stand, my man My man won't stand tonight Would you believe in a love at first sight? Well yeah What do you see when they turn out the lights? Albert, you know my wife left me. What are you trying to do? Get me to commit suicide or something? You wear your Victoria Secret. You say, "Davy, you can touch. Can I put your CD on my stereo? You know I love your music so much!" I kiss your lips, the perfume in your hair Then you say, "May I touch you down there?" Yes, yes, yes -uh no My man, my man won't stand, my man My man, my man won't stand, my man My man, my man won't stand tonight Yeah, my man won't stand tonight I'm sorry sweetheart- it's not me, it's you And my man won't stand tonight Jack Rigg: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums Andy Shernoff: bass Joe Bouchard: keys Buck Dharma: lead guitar Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals The Roter Curse Doctor, I guess you have to say that I have uh problems with my self-esteem, especially uh sexually. Congratulations Mr. Roter, you've taken the first step on the road to recovery. Uh thank-thank-you doctor. Well I guess it all started uh one night uh my father uh came into my bedroom while I was uh masturbating and you know the room was-was pitch black and-and I couldn't see him. All I could hear was this voice, saying, "Son, if you touch that thing one more time, I'm gonna start cutting." That's uh terrifying. You must have been terrified Mr. Roter. Uh y-yes I was and as a matter of fact since uh that night every time I've had a wet dream it always ends with the image of platters and platters filled with cocktail frankfurters smothered in blood. But uh bu-but since I've been taking Prozac it looks a little more like ketchup. David & Al Pretty Baby How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? One more! How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? Will he have his mama's eyes? Oh yeah Will they cut me down to size? Uh huh Will he have his grandma's cheeks? Oh yeah Will he spit food when he speaks? Uh huh Will he have his dad's neurosis? Oh yeah Or just his halitosis? Uh huh How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? I wonder How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? Will he be gay like his cousin Matt? Oh yeah There's nothing wrong with that! Un huh An asshole like his Uncle Joe? Oh yeah There's not a thing he doesn't know Un huh Bitter like his Auntie Gus? Oh yeah And have contempt for all of us Un huh Or friendly like his cousin Al Oh yeah And have one hundred drinking pals Uh huh Oh... How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? I wonder How did we get such a pretty baby? How did we get such a pretty boy? Hey -oooh wa- oooh wa -ooh wa- ooh wa- ooh wa Why do daddies fall in love? Oom ba ba- oom ba-oom ba -oom ba Ah Jakey- you know your daddy loves you. But you know Jakey, I love you unconditionally. I know that's a big word and you don't know what it means now but it means whatever you do it's all right with me Jakey. You wanna get married, you wanna marry a black girl, a white girl. It's ok. Daddy don't care. A Serbian girl, a Chechnya girl, yo, Iraqi I don't- go with Saddam Hussein's daughter. Doesn't matter to me. I love you Jakey. Only one thing Jake. Don't go with no fat girl ok? Look, don't make my mistakes. You know you'll be watching TV, you'll be settled down and be oh it's so good and then all of a sudden, "Jakey! Get me a diet coke and some cashew nuts." You don't want that Jakey. Hey- Look you might be gay Jake. Yeah, that's all right, I love you. Be gay but-but only one thing Jake. No Broadway show tunes Jake. No Hello Dolly, no theme from Cats, no Memories. I never intended to raise a young Barbra Streisand Jacob. Don't do that. Oh oh another thing Jake. Don't be a transvestite. Cause you know, let me tell you, you buy the fanciest gown by like you know Javinchi or Gavinchi or-or even Tommy Hilfiger. What is it loo- you see the stubble and you never get rid of the effect of you know with the shoulders and everything. Oh and Jake you know you spend thousands of dollars on a wig. I mean you get a wig like what Barbra Streisand would wear or maybe Diana Ross and the best you can hope for Jake is to look maybe like the rabbi's wife when she's in Atlantic City on her anniversary. OK Jakey I'm only saying this is because you know I've made my mistakes. Daddy. daddy? What is it Jakey? What is it? Did I wake you up Jakey? Daddy you talk so much shit. I can't sleep. I'm dreaming about the transvestites and the rabbi's wife is chasing me. Oh Jakey! I don't-what do you want? What do you want daddy to do? I want daddy to shut the fuck up already! OK Jake, if that's what you want. It's just that daddy's made so many mistakes. You know I'm like a regular professor of pain and I don't want you to go through the same thing. Wait-wait a second Jake. Listen- I think I hear an angel. oooh wa oooh wa - ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa oooh wa oooh wa- ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa oooh wa oooh wa- ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa oooh wa oooh wa- ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa Why do daddies fall in love? Go to sleep Jacob. Be a nice boy. Albert Bouchard: percussion, vocals Zeitlin Perez: background vocals Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals I Love My Mom Feed me when I'm hungry Clothe me when I'm cold Good lookin' girl Even though she's gettin' old When I was lonely she held me through the night Kissed me on my mouth Man I knew that wasn' t right I love my mom I love my mom Oh what a mom Well she was born in Budapest She moved to East New York Zsa Zsa Gabor taught her how to walk She met my father Who sold chinchilla hats One night he touched her titty And that was that He loved my mom Yes he-he loved my mom He loved my mom I'm living in this furnished room Too drunk to care Telephone rings Answering machine throws a voice up in the air David pick up. It's your mother David. I know you're home. Pick up David. Pick up. Oh hi mom. Yeah I'm doing great mom. No, no- no really wonderful. But yeah-yeah there's something I want to say to you mom. I........ I love my mom I love my mom I love my mom Yeah oh what a mom Mr. Drummer Man Jack Rigg: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums Andy Shernoff: bass Joe Bouchard: keys Soozie Tyrell: background vocals Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals Sir Elton Kizmyaz Hey there Bernie, this is Sir Elton. Bernie, did you hear? There's a new hot dead chick on the block. Yeah Diana. Dead. W-Well yes I-I'm very broken up about it. But listen. Bernie, I've got an idea. You know that song you have about Marilyn Monroe. Let's 86 that Candle in the Wind bullshit. Yeah yeah write some new lyrics about Diana. Bernie. Mate. It's going to be big, really big. Bigger than the theme from the "Lion King". And Bernie Taupin said, "Not only are you a genius Sir Elton, you're quite a human being." Well you know when I first started writing songs I was in love with a girl named Barbara Anne Jeffroy and so I wrote my first song- "Barbara, Barbara, I love you. Can I give you money? Please let me touch you- uh uh". And then I fell in love with Margaret Flaugherty so I wrote this song- "Margaret, Margaret I love you. Pl-Please can I-I'll give you money? Can I touch you? uh uh." So when Barbara Anne Jeffroy found out that I had rewritten her song, she said, "David Roter, you are one lying scumbag." And I even think there was some kind of Jewish slur in there. I don't really get it. Elton John- sensitive guy. David Roter- scumbag Christ -killing bastard. David Norma Jean I remember Marilyn Monroe Seemed to be smilin' And the day she died I remember Marilyn Monroe I saw her at the picture show She seemed to be smilin' down at me And the day she died I just sat down and cried I cut out her picture And I put it on my wall She was a red shirt Tight skirt Got me in the alley But you know it didn't hurt Norma Jean, sweet Norma Jean Ahhhh Norma Jean Joe di Maggio he's a highway now Wanted to love her but they didn't know how Refrain Arthur Miller had a teenage crush I think he loved her just a little too much Refrain JFK, Bobby too Not much left when they were through Refrain Seven year itch Daddy's little bitch She was the light that died Refrain Jack Rigg: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums Andy Shernoff: bass Joe Bouchard: keys Soozie Tyrell: violin, background vocals Richard Julian: background vocals David Roter vocals Lesbian Midget Motorcycle Gang I was showing off my neighborhood, Park Slope, Brooklyn to my friends Albert and Jack when we saw a group of Hondas roaring down 7th Ave. And I said, "Oh my God that's them. I've jus-I've heard about them. I didn't know it was true. They were like the white buffalo. That's the lesbian midget motorcycle gang." They simultaneously came to a stop, got out, took off their helmets, fluffed their hair. "Yuz muthafuckas laughin at us?" Albert and Jack both pointed at me. "Him, him, it was him!" So I picked up one of the midgets and I said, "C'mon. You got to admit that you guys are really cute." A little fist exploded into my jaw. And I was down, down- and it seemed like a thousand tiny little motorcycle boots kicking, kicking, kicking. Helplessly I looked up at my two friends. They both shook their heads, "We'd love to give you a hand Dave, but you know, the midgets are right." David My Sister's Gynecologist My sister's gynecologist lives in a trailer park His windows are always closed His rooms are always dark He might offer you coffee But he makes you say pretty please And when he serves the Half and Half It looks just like cottage cheese Mama,mama,mama Papa, papa, papa Gyna, gyna- Cologist Repeat He's angry at his patients He's angry at the world Now he dresses just like a woman But he breaks like a little girl Sister, oh sister why do you see that guy? She just shook her head and said, "He's the only one who takes GHI GHI -GHI Refrain Refrain repeated Jack Rigg: guitar Buck Dharma: guitar Albert Bouchard: drums Andy Shernoff: bass Joe Bouchard: keys Soozie Tyrell: background vocals David Roter vocals Congratulations Mr. Roter As you know I have a fourteen month old son and just a few days ago I was giving him a bath and I noticed he-he was kind of touching his-a his penis. And I thought to myself, "Ok-the Roter neurosis ends HERE." And I said, "Son, it's ok touch it, touch it as much as you want. As a matter of fact you know Daddy likes to use a little KY jelly. It enhances the pleasure." Yes Mr. Roter. KY jelly can be very effective when used under the supervision of a professional psychoanalyst. Oh-oh yes, yes isn't it doctor? Well anyway, uh I noticed though, he-he wasn't touching his penis with any sense of pleasure. He appeared to me as if he was trying to just rip it off! And I thought, you know my wife only allows me to uh walk around the house fully clothed. So he's never seen a penis. So he identifies with the va-the vagina. That's very insightful Mr. Roter, very insightful. Thank-you doctor. So I pulled out my-my penis and I pointed to his and I pointed to mine, "eh eh-eh eh." And then doctor I think- I think he was getting connection because then he pointed to his penis and said, "eh eh-eh eh." and he made a little fist and it was like yes, son, yes, "eh eh-eh eh". But then he did a remarkable thing doctor. He pointed to my dick-my dick and said the word "sma" "sma" "sma" and then I realized my son was pointing at my di- penis and saying the word "small". And then I-I truly realized the ambivalence of fatherhood. You know part of me was so proud that he was saying his first word but the fact remained doctor, he was pointing at my cock and saying the word "small". And nobody, I don't care who the fuck you are, nobody does that to me. But then again, part of my brain said, "David, he is an infant. You must protect and nurture him." So I looked at my son and I said, "Son, in all fairness, I'd have to say, that if you think that daddy's dick is small, then uh daddy would have to say that your little pea-shooter is tiny, little Mr. wise-guy toddler, infintesimal. Yo boy, can you say the word microscopic?" Just then I realized my wife was standing behind me with her arms crossed and she said uh, "David, what are you doing?" And I looked up and said, "Hmm, teaching our boy how to love his body?" Well you know doctor, that-that she can be so judgmental. I guess what I'm trying to ask you is like, "W-W-What do you think?" I think you're a fucking asshole, ha ha ha.......... Oops, slipped. David & Al HOME | ALBUMS | ARTISTS | MERCH | SHOWS | NEWS | PICTURES | REVIEWS BUY NOW